Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
