I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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