guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
