Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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