Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
as a side note pls kill me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
