A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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