Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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