worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
