The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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