Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
