Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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