and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
