real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
