i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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