well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
