Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
