not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
