I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
