You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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