Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
