grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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