In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
