I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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