i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
