Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
