i think i have herpe
just one?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
