sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize