i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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