my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
