so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
