Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
