I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
