I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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