I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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