Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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