jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
