miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
