Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
