She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
