Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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