at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
