you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
