i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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