we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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