My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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