u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
