What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
