i love accidental penises.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
