im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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