i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
