If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
