I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
