he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
