Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize