yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
