were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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