i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
