Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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