forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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