Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
