Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
