I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
