your parents love me but you hate me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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