were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize