I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
