Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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